Today I my husband told me that he had a 2 year old son from his affair.
I felt the floor just opened up a hole underneath me, and swallowed me in.
This will be one of those painful moments that I will never forget. I have a jar of painful moments. His first affair, his second affair, his third affair, my dad dying, and now this. All of these painful moments are stored in this jar. Sometimes they creep out and make my heart ache. Sometimes I wish that I can just erase those moments because they are really painful.
How am I supposed to deal with this situation? This feels like a bad dream.
We have no children of our own by choice. And now he has a child with this woman. I feel like a third wheel. He can just leave me and go with his now complete family. What is stopping him? We have no children together.
I feel that I have lost to that woman. She now has the upper hand, she has won. I have lost.
My mom will be very disappointed in me. And my dad will be turning over in his coffin. I am such a failure, to be in such a failed marriage.
If I just take myself out, then all will be solved, will it? He will go to that woman, marry her, and raise a son. All problem solved.
No more third wheel.
We have just moved into this beautiful house. I thought our ending will finally be a happy one after his affairs. I thought we will grow old together, happily after. I was so wrong.
I am so stupid to think so.
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