09/14/2012

I am tired. I don't know what is happening to me. Which stage of grieving am I going through now?

I just want to sit by the ocean, sit in the backyard, just relax and do nothing. I want peace, complete peace.

09/12/2012

I feel lost. I feel like a raft drifting in the ocean; there is no direction or purpose.

I don't know why I feel this way ever since we came back from seeing my dad. I have been comparing my life to my dad's. My dad's life is always giving to us, providing us. I have no children and a barely together marriage, I feel that I am selfish. I am not giving anything to anyone but myself.

I don't know what my purpose in life in anymore. Why do I feel this way?

Even baking doesn't interest me as much anymore. To whom does my baking serve but my own interest? What is my goal in life?

09/04/2012

Today marks the first day that he moved into my apt. It feels different to have someone here in my apt, living, sleeping, breathing, and conversing together.

We are not out of the tunnel yet. But we are walking toward the light. We have chosen a path.

My parents kept telling me not to trust him, and not letting him move in with me.

I haven't told my parents about this yet. I have nothing yet to say, nothing yet to prove that this is the right move.

09/01/2012

I just got back from visiting my dad. I went with my husband to see my dad. I wanted to show my dad that we are "ok". I don't want him to worry about me.

It has been a week since I got back. I am in a very dark place this whole week. I see my life as meaningless when compared to my dad's. I don't want to live. There is nothing to live for. I don't have kids, no husband. I have only a failed marriage, a failed love. I have no one who loves me.

I stared out my windows today. I wished to the tree that please take my life someone is going to fully live it, instead of me wasting it.