Friday, December 25, 2015
12/25/2015
We had dinner at Tailo's home. We were with dad just last year. I miss dad. It is not the same without him.
Monday, December 21, 2015
12/21/2015
It has been 2 months. It seems like a long time since he is gone.
I sometimes reach into my wound to feel the pain, just to make sure that he is not forgotten. Just to make sure that he is still in my heart.
It is like picking at a scab.
I think about the hospital visits. I looked at his video, to listen to his voice, to see him move.
I think about the time going forward without him. I think about all the things that we could do.
I miss him. I have to make sure that I still feel the pain. It is only 2 months, but it seems so long ago. Time seems stretched here.
I wish he is here.
I sometimes reach into my wound to feel the pain, just to make sure that he is not forgotten. Just to make sure that he is still in my heart.
It is like picking at a scab.
I think about the hospital visits. I looked at his video, to listen to his voice, to see him move.
I think about the time going forward without him. I think about all the things that we could do.
I miss him. I have to make sure that I still feel the pain. It is only 2 months, but it seems so long ago. Time seems stretched here.
I wish he is here.
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
12/01/2015
I miss my dad today.
I felt the emptiness he left. He is gone; only his ashes are left. That is very hard to realize.
It forces me to think about death; what it means to die. What happens when someone dies.
I thought about the funeral. I remember how my heart hurt when I first walked into the funeral home, seeing my dad's picture in the hall. It hit me right there that he was gone. That this was real. That he had died.
I remember seeing my dad's body behind the glass the first time. I cried right there, even now. He was so lonely behind the glass, lying there by himself. That he has died and will not wake and will not talk anymore.
I saw death. I remember the moment when his coffin was shut. I cried right there, even now. Because that was the last time I would ever see his face, that I would see him again. The very last moment. The next morning he would be cremated.
I think that when I feel the pain, I feel that I am not forgetting him. I feel that I am holding onto him through pain.
I don't ever want to forget my dad. I want to hold onto whatever that I could.
Right now I only know how to through pain.
My heart hurts.
I felt the emptiness he left. He is gone; only his ashes are left. That is very hard to realize.
It forces me to think about death; what it means to die. What happens when someone dies.
I thought about the funeral. I remember how my heart hurt when I first walked into the funeral home, seeing my dad's picture in the hall. It hit me right there that he was gone. That this was real. That he had died.
I remember seeing my dad's body behind the glass the first time. I cried right there, even now. He was so lonely behind the glass, lying there by himself. That he has died and will not wake and will not talk anymore.
I saw death. I remember the moment when his coffin was shut. I cried right there, even now. Because that was the last time I would ever see his face, that I would see him again. The very last moment. The next morning he would be cremated.
I think that when I feel the pain, I feel that I am not forgetting him. I feel that I am holding onto him through pain.
I don't ever want to forget my dad. I want to hold onto whatever that I could.
Right now I only know how to through pain.
My heart hurts.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)