Tuesday, October 20, 2015
10/20/2015
6:00 am.
My dad left us. I got Tommy's text when my alarm went off. Dad went on his own without additional help.
I called Tommy and he said that dad can still hear. So I told dad not to worry about me and Jimmy, and that we will take care of mom.
This has been a long battle with this disease. 3 years.
I will miss you, dad, and I love you. Thank you for giving me life and love.
Monday, October 19, 2015
10/19/2015
My dad is leaving us, leaving his body, his pain, his sickness.
How long has it been since he was diagnosed? Is it three years?
Life is unfair. He is a good dad, a good provider, and a workaholic.
I remembered him working a lot when I was little, well, we were constantly short of money. But we were well fed, maybe we didn't get all the toys that we wanted, we had a decent childhood.
Why do good people die in such horrific way? Slowly wasting away with a horrible disease that you cannot control, knowing that day is going to strike any day, knowing that you still have unfinished business, leaving your love ones behind.
How does it feel like to know that you are dying? Just snub out like a candle.
My dad is my creator; he gave me life and love.
I love my dad. I admire my dad.
He is very smart and hard-working, with so little education and so little to start with. He had a good life; he had accomplished a lot.
It feels like a really bad dream. I feel dazed.
How long has it been since he was diagnosed? Is it three years?
Life is unfair. He is a good dad, a good provider, and a workaholic.
I remembered him working a lot when I was little, well, we were constantly short of money. But we were well fed, maybe we didn't get all the toys that we wanted, we had a decent childhood.
Why do good people die in such horrific way? Slowly wasting away with a horrible disease that you cannot control, knowing that day is going to strike any day, knowing that you still have unfinished business, leaving your love ones behind.
How does it feel like to know that you are dying? Just snub out like a candle.
My dad is my creator; he gave me life and love.
I love my dad. I admire my dad.
He is very smart and hard-working, with so little education and so little to start with. He had a good life; he had accomplished a lot.
It feels like a really bad dream. I feel dazed.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
10/13/2015
He lied again. I feel so lonely and scared. The closet person in the whole world lied to me again and again. I feel so lonely. I don't understand why he kept lying to me. It is either that he doesn't know how much it hurts me or he simply doesn't care about me. Which is it? I didn't bring up divorce. This should not be a word used lightly. I kept it inside.
We have no children. I am not close to my brothers. My dad is dying. My mom is far away.
Is there no pure love out there except from my parents. There is simply no unconditional love other than from my parents.
When I die, I will die alone.
Will history repeat itself? Only time could tell. Is this a mistake? Did I love the wrong person?
I never lie to him, but yet he lies to me many many times. Why? How could you lie to the closet person in the whole world? Unless I am not his closet person in the whole world.
Every time he lies, we step back a few squares, chipping away the trust I just barely rebuilt.
I feel so lonely... I cannot even trust the only person.
We have no children. I am not close to my brothers. My dad is dying. My mom is far away.
Is there no pure love out there except from my parents. There is simply no unconditional love other than from my parents.
When I die, I will die alone.
Will history repeat itself? Only time could tell. Is this a mistake? Did I love the wrong person?
I never lie to him, but yet he lies to me many many times. Why? How could you lie to the closet person in the whole world? Unless I am not his closet person in the whole world.
Every time he lies, we step back a few squares, chipping away the trust I just barely rebuilt.
I feel so lonely... I cannot even trust the only person.
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