Monday, December 19, 2011

12/19/2011

Is God listening to my prayers?

I still don't know what and why I do the things I do.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

12/18/2011

Today I began my plead to God.

I am not a religious person. I don't believe in anything. But I just couldn't get myself out of this hole. I constantly have thoughts to harm myself. My dear friend suggested to me to plead to higher power. This is the only way out.

I want to give it a try.

I borrowed a few books from the library. Books on forgiving, divorce, God, and making bread. I need to nourish my soul first before we can go forward to resolution, whatever that might be.

I prayed very hard. I hope that God is listening. I prayed that we will be released from this pain, that we will have peace and calm. I prayed that God will lead us to the right way, and help us to get through it. I prayed.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

12/13/2011

It has been one year since 12/2/2010. That night the truth came out. Since then, nothing has changed really. I have been living by myself for 5 months now. I tried not going back home on the weekends, but, couldn't survive.

Decisions are so hard to make, that we both avoid making any. Not going forward. Stagnant. I don't like December.