01/27/2022

Day 9. I think I am exiting this dark tunnel finally.

I just realized that over the last 10 years, we have mulitple separations. So I think all those separations have prepped me for this final one. I am actually feeling much better, I am ok. I did not believe that such day would actually ever come, but here it is.

Today is the day that I am feeling lightness, peace, calm, contentment, joy on my own. I am exiting this dark tunnel, finally it is behind me.

I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy my own company.
So what they say is true, sadness does not last forever if you work hard on yourself and not let it take over you. You are important. You are loved by you truely.

01/21/2022

Day 3

I have not cried yesterday or today. I think all those years of on and off separations have prepared me for this final separation.
This time also I am leaning heavily on my mom. She is the only person who really gets me. I think because we are both woman and we both have lost our partner, though in different ways.
I am grateful for my mom, without her holding my hands this time around, I don't think I would have the courage and bravery to go through with this.

01/18/2022

Day 0: Today he moved out.

I have been crying for the last few days. Splitting plates, cups, bowls, towels, toilet paper, etc, etc into two. I have vowed not to help him pack at all. But I did help finally. I guess this is my final kindness and gift to him, to part kindly.

Now the house feels very empty. The place where he used to sit is empty. The place where his cup was, is empty.

The place I held him in my heart is empty. There is a big hole in my heart. I feel my heart is broken.

We had been through this so many times already, many separations. And this is really final. The final separation. I had not imagined that when this day comes, it will be so painful. My heart hurts.