I got the divorce decree today. I am officially unmarried, single. I thought that I would go out and celebrate. But I didn't. I just got back from the dentist having my tooth extracted. So I am in literal pain. I am kind of exhausted and dazed.
I shred a few tears, looking at the decree in my hand. Thinking about the beginning when we got married, and now the end. It is monumental. I feel like the last bit of subtle tether and weight have been gently lifted. This is how I feel now, slightly lighter, but not overcome with joy as I thought I would be.
It is a mixture of feelings, sad and relieved.
Wednesday, April 27, 2022
Sunday, March 20, 2022
03/20/2022
Last night I finally moved back to my bed to sleep. It felt so good and right.
I am happy. I didn't know that such a day would come. But here I am. I am finally happy.
I am content and at peace with myself and my life ahead. I am excited for my adventures ahead.
I am more than ok. I am happy.
I am happy. I didn't know that such a day would come. But here I am. I am finally happy.
I am content and at peace with myself and my life ahead. I am excited for my adventures ahead.
I am more than ok. I am happy.
Thursday, January 27, 2022
01/27/2022
Day 9. I think I am exiting this dark tunnel finally.
I just realized that over the last 10 years, we have mulitple separations. So I think all those separations have prepped me for this final one. I am actually feeling much better, I am ok. I did not believe that such day would actually ever come, but here it is.
Today is the day that I am feeling lightness, peace, calm, contentment, joy on my own. I am exiting this dark tunnel, finally it is behind me.
I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy my own company.
So what they say is true, sadness does not last forever if you work hard on yourself and not let it take over you. You are important. You are loved by you truely.
I just realized that over the last 10 years, we have mulitple separations. So I think all those separations have prepped me for this final one. I am actually feeling much better, I am ok. I did not believe that such day would actually ever come, but here it is.
Today is the day that I am feeling lightness, peace, calm, contentment, joy on my own. I am exiting this dark tunnel, finally it is behind me.
I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy my own company.
So what they say is true, sadness does not last forever if you work hard on yourself and not let it take over you. You are important. You are loved by you truely.
Friday, January 21, 2022
01/21/2022
Day 3
I have not cried yesterday or today. I think all those years of on and off separations have prepared me for this final separation.
This time also I am leaning heavily on my mom. She is the only person who really gets me. I think because we are both woman and we both have lost our partner, though in different ways.
I am grateful for my mom, without her holding my hands this time around, I don't think I would have the courage and bravery to go through with this.
I have not cried yesterday or today. I think all those years of on and off separations have prepared me for this final separation.
This time also I am leaning heavily on my mom. She is the only person who really gets me. I think because we are both woman and we both have lost our partner, though in different ways.
I am grateful for my mom, without her holding my hands this time around, I don't think I would have the courage and bravery to go through with this.
Tuesday, January 18, 2022
01/18/2022
Day 0: Today he moved out.
I have been crying for the last few days. Splitting plates, cups, bowls, towels, toilet paper, etc, etc into two. I have vowed not to help him pack at all. But I did help finally. I guess this is my final kindness and gift to him, to part kindly.
Now the house feels very empty. The place where he used to sit is empty. The place where his cup was, is empty.
The place I held him in my heart is empty. There is a big hole in my heart. I feel my heart is broken.
We had been through this so many times already, many separations. And this is really final. The final separation. I had not imagined that when this day comes, it will be so painful. My heart hurts.
I have been crying for the last few days. Splitting plates, cups, bowls, towels, toilet paper, etc, etc into two. I have vowed not to help him pack at all. But I did help finally. I guess this is my final kindness and gift to him, to part kindly.
Now the house feels very empty. The place where he used to sit is empty. The place where his cup was, is empty.
The place I held him in my heart is empty. There is a big hole in my heart. I feel my heart is broken.
We had been through this so many times already, many separations. And this is really final. The final separation. I had not imagined that when this day comes, it will be so painful. My heart hurts.
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