03/30/2017

Today is day 4. I think I am ending up like mom, all alone, with no one in the world to share my joy, my day, and my night. I am all alone. I guess that is the way it is going anyway. We all die alone in the end. No one can accompany us. I don't think I was ever loved by him.

03/29/2017

Today is day 3. The prospect of him coming back is getting slim in my mind. I have been meditating every day. I am still very sad. It hurts.

03/28/2017

Today is day 2 being on my own. I am still very sad. I feel very heavy, feel no joy, no purpose in life. I feel empty inside. I feel spaced out. My heart feels heavy.

03/27/2017

Today he moved out from the condo. I am very sad. This is the second time of our separation. It was painful the first time. I cannot believe we have to go through this again. He is looking for a marriage counselor. This is all up to him now. This place is empty without him. I am very sad.

Over the weekend, we bought a selfie stick and took some videos of the hummingbird babies. Yes, we saw the 2 babies. I think they are at least 13 days old. They will leave the nest 18-28 days after hatching. So they will leave in about 1-2 weeks. We are really lucky to have this hummingbird nest in our backyard.

03/18/2017

I took down all the pictures from the wall. What is the point of having them still hanging on the wall? The forms are ready to be sent. I have to send them. And that will be it. Everyone else is planning for the future while I am stuck at the present with no future, and trying to deconstruct the past. This is hell.

On the other hand, the hummingbird mom is still sitting on her nest. This is day 20.

03/13/2017

Yesterday when we checked the nest, the hummingbird mom was still there sitting on the nest. That was day 14. I don't hear or see any babies. I hope that her eggs are OK.

03/05/2017

This is Day 7 of the hummingbird mom sitting in her nest. So, 7 more days to go until the eggs hatch. I have filled up the hummingbird feeder nearby. I hope all goes well.