04/29/2016

Did it just happen again? Yes, 6 years later, one big lie shattered everything again. He went on his business trip with a girl. He is so shameless, he feels he did nothing wrong. He is a bastard. My mind is so feel with rage and hate. I have nothing but hate for him. I want to break and burn everything. I wish one of us was not born into the world. I wish that I have never met him. I need to release my anger. I want to burn all the pictures, everything that he touched. I hate him. I want this end. I want this end. I want this end. I want this end. I want this end. I want this end. I don't want to live my life like this, living in such a big lie. I am not being true to myself. I could still hear my dad saying "such husband is useless". I am sorry dad, I failed. Hate, rage, hate, rage. How am I going to get out of this mess? Why do I have to go through this again? I want him to rot. I want to yell "get the fuck out of my sight". I want to beat the crap out of him. He has a twisted view of what he is doing. WTF is wrong with the fucking him? Piece of shit. I want to hurt myself. I want to down a whole bottle of something and not wake up ever again. This is a nightmare. I feel so sick.

04/22/2016

Uncle 4 is in the hospital. He might not make it. People are just dropping off like flies. One day we are here, the next day we are not. It is scary and sad. I talked to mom and she is sad. This reminds us of dad's passing. Like a film playing before our eyes again. I am afraid of my loved ones leaving me. That is why I have to let them know how much they are loved each day, before it is too late.