11/21/2015

It has been a month since my dad's passing.
I felt that there is a hole.
Sometimes I wondered how exactly he died. It seems like his body just slowly shut down over a course of 20 days or so. This is how he died.
I don't cry as much now.
But there is still hidden sadness inside.

His ashes

Tommy said that dad's ashes has returned today.
And today's was mom's birthday.
It is all so sad. A few years back, dad was healthy and now all that remained is his ashes. I miss him. There is a hole. I have lost my dad.

My dad

I would like to write down the memories of my dad because I don't ever want to forget.
I find myself looking for his things, things that he had given me, or remembering things he had said. I don't want to forget his face or his voice.
My very first memory of my dad is when I was a baby and he lifted me up in the air. I was laughing. There is a photo of that moment. I don't know if I got that memory from that particular photo or if that was really what I remembered. But no matter, I have seen dad playing with Vincent just like that when he was a baby.
I remembered dad as adventurous. He once took me to a fruit vendor on the street and got us a watermelon juice (or carrot juice?). I think that was before a dinner banquet.
He also took me multiple times to eat snake soup. I love snake soup. I don't recall eating snake soup with mom, it was always just me and my dad.
My dad went on business trips quite often when I was little. He always brought me handkerchiefs when he got home. I was always so excited when he got home from his business trips because I know he always beared gifts for me. One time, he got me a mini mirror stand in red color from Japan. I really wish I could find that mirror stand again. I don't know where it is now.
When my mom was working for my aunt to deliver newspaper, sometimes my dad would take me to wait for mom's end of shift. He would first take me to ride the tram to the Victoria peak. I have saved all those ticket stubs, but again, I don't know where they are now. I really want to find those ticket stubs.
I remember my dad combing my hair and making my pony tail in the morning before school.
I remember my dad tugging me into my bed.
I remember my dad's hands were always dirty.
My dad loves family dinner together whenever he was here in the US. He always said "waiting for you for dinner".
My dad once told me that he loved me the most.
I remember him driving us to school in the van when it was raining.
I remember him teaching me how to ride a bike.
I remember riding in the back of my dad's motorcycle. I was so scared.
I don't think I ever see dad cooking at all or doing housework. He was such a traditional dad.
He was so worried about me when I was getting a divorce. They would call everyday to make sure that I was ok. And they came to the US very often.
My dad loved his work. He loved his children. He loved my mom. He loved to eat. He loved music.