12/29/2013

It must be my luck that I can't get over this year without a big fight. He lied. He lied to me again and again. Each time it took a bit of my love away. He kept doing this and I will be a fool to still love him like I used to. My marriage is a mistake. Marriage is a mistake.

07/08/2013

The scariest thing about dying is leaving your loved ones behind...

06/19/2013

Life is so fragile. One second you are alive, the next second you are gone.
I just found out that my cousin has passed away in a car accident. We were not closed but he has been very kind to our family lately because of my dad's illness.
Is this fate? If it is not for my dad's illness, we would not have known his kindness.
He is only 50+ years old. Life is so unpredictable.
That is why we have to express our love and gratitude to those we love before it is too late.

05/28/2013

His moving in has passed the 6-month mark. My fingers are crossed. So far I have been happy, I am afraid to say "we". But I think he is happy as well. We have put into quite some effort to make our garden a sanctuary for both the birds and us. My mind is now at a place where it is peaceful and calm. I would never have thought that I would come out of the tunnel. But I did, so far. I have been doing a lot of reading, not so much baking recently. I love to read in the backyard when the birds are busy feeding. I sat on the bench yesterday during sunset. It was majestic and cleansing. I think these are moments of joy in life. Little things around us when we are too busy to just stop and see, really see with our eyes, to feel the moments. It was almost like time has stopped. I was not in a hurry to go anyway or do anything, but just enjoy that moment of peace.

01/23/2013

He said that he will not go back with me to see my dad next time. My terminally ill dad.

I don't think he cares for anyone but himself.

I feel very lonely in this marriage. I married a person with no heart, a person who doesn't value family.

I imagine myself living in a nice small house, near my work, having a dog as companion. I imagine myself not needing to think about all these mess. I will prepare dinner for myself, walk my dog, read my books, not needing to deal with this anymore. I imagine myself freed from this person. He is cold and heartless. Even if my dad is dying, I cannot count on him to go with me to see my dad. How sad is that, what a sad marriage this is. I have given my love to him for 10+ years, how blind I was.

A dog will have more passion and loyalty than him.

01/22/2013

He lied to me that he has to work yesterday even though that was MLK holiday. I am disappointed at him lying to me again. That feeling is back.... I want to die....and get away from all such mess.